so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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