we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
