if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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