Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
