So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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