Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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