Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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