Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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