I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
