So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
