That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
