After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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