no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
