So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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