I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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