Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish i was in the wii world.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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