ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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