Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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