um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
