Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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