I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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