good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
