my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
