oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
