rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
