so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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