You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
