It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
