Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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