Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
