nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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