Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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