we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
