Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
