We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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