I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
