Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
