Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So many bounce houses so little time
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
