hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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