What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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