His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
