I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
