Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
