Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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