They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
