Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
