Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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