the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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