They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
