So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
