Soap is not a condiment
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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