Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
