We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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