Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
