when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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