I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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