I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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