Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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