Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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