I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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