He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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