toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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