I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
