He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
