Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
