Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
