apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
there is glitter all over my balls
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
