I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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