I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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