i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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