He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
