Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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