Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
