Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
