I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
