Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
