I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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