This girl is more easily done than said...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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