Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
