If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
