Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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