how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
