She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me