this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you're hired as official boob wrangler
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions