So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!