I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex