so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
