I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
