They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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